Wednesday Funny

 

 

 

It's just hit me !!

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

 
He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.

For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

 
If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

 
He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

 
He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

 
He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

 
All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

 
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.......

I think my dog is a member of Congress!

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

Wednesday Funny

 

Where is the cat?

NO CHEATING Once you find the cat, send this puzzle along to annoy your friends!!!!

Do not forward this until you find the cat!!!! I promise you it is definitely there.

 

 

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but,
I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then
he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb
so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office
and asked, 'What in the name of goodness are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.'
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office...
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me,
the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'

(You're gonna love this....)
She said, 'I'm going home, too. "I can't work in the dark".

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

 

Please Stand By

 

Please stand by  we don’t have a whole lot going on right now!!

Anybody want to buy a house?? Cheap!!

   

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

Wednesday Funny

 

 

I woke up,
I lifted my arms,
I moved my knees,
I turned my neck . . .
Everything made the same noise: 'CrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaccccK!'

 

 

 

I came to a conclusion:
I am not old,
I am crispy!

 

 

 

 

THE FINAL GEICO COMMERCIAL

Now, where can I find that damn duck?

 

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

Happy Birthday To Me

 

Thursday was you guessed it my birthday and another good guess I turned the big 60.

When I got to work I found these on my desk. As people started arriving to work I started to notice everyone was wearing black,since we work for a church I asked if we were having a funeral and several just laughed and said kind of of,I then realized it was me they were mourning for.    

 

Then my coworkers handed me this shirt and said I had to wear it all day. When I saw the picture I knew Angela had something to do with it. And yes that is me in 1977.    Ok stop laughing now!!

 

 

I see your still laughing I bet there are pictures in your closet you hope no one see’s.

 

 

We all had pizza and cake for lunch. The cake had a picture of Annie our lab when she was a puppy and of course she was wearing black also.

 

We have a school at the church and these are some of the teachers (My Groupies) advertising that Kenny was 60.

I did get a few gifts from Angela for the 5th wheel.

 

Coleman Road Trip Grill

 

 

EMS-PT50C

Surge Protector with Voltage Protection

Portable Unit for 50amp RV's

 

 

 

Friday night Angela invited some good friends over for a little party in the 5th wheel.

 

Even my son stopped by after he got off work to get a picture with the old man.

I had a great birthday and thanks to everyone that shared it with me.

 

Even Max had to get in on the party fun..

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

Wednesday Funny

 

 

 

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.I told her - "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...

 

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

Slow News Week

It was another slow news week here in the Midwest. Found this in my bag of jokes thought you might enjoy.

 

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two
drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me.'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would
like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two
drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to
buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with
two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why
the Scotch with only two drops of water?'


The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how
to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'


'OLD' IS WHEN....

Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs

and make love,' and you answer,

'Pick one; I can't do both!'



'OLD' IS WHEN...

Your friends compliment you

on your new alligator shoes

and you're barefoot..



'OLD' IS WHEN...

A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy

and your pacemaker opens the garage door.



'OLD' IS WHEN...

Going braless

pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.



'OLD' IS WHEN...

You don't care where your spouse goes,

just as long as you don't have to go along.



'OLD' IS WHEN...

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police




'OLD' IS WHEN...


'Getting a little action'

means you don't need to take any fibre today.



'OLD' IS WHEN...

'Getting lucky' means you find your car

in the parking lot.



'OLD'IS WHEN...

An 'all nighter' means not getting up

to use the bathroom.



AND
'OLD' IS WHEN....

You are not sure these are jokes

Remember to always smile, it makes people wonder what you have been up to!

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

Wednesday Funny

 

Took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red,

orange, and blue.

Every time the teenager would look up, she would find my dad staring every time.

When she had finally had enough, she sarcastically asked:

"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not

choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ......

"Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if

you might be my kid."

 

 

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM