Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Wednesday Funny

 

 

 

 

STIMULUS CHECK

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic
Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea ..

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

Oh, I forgot one last thing, the stimulus money you get is considered INCOME and therefore you will have to pay taxes on it.

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

7 comments:

Phyllis said...

Well thought out! Especially since people go to yard sales to buy stuff they don't need so they can sell it at their yard sale. It's called spreading the junk.

Happytrails said...

Wow! Quite interesting and unfortunately truer than we want to think. What can I say...if I don't laugh I'll cry!! Thanks or the laugh!!

Dennis and Donna said...

Way tooooo true....

Peter + Beatrix said...

Laughed and laughed and laughed! Man, this was a good one!

Kevin and Ruth said...

Too funny. I enjoyed your one from last week to. Just never got around to commenting on it.

Don't forget to vote for us, aussieexperiences.com/contest/entry/red-centre-kevin-read/

Kevin and Ruth
www.travelwithkevinandruth.com

Miss Lazee said...

Sad but true. Great post!

Sharon and Ron

Sam&Donna Weibel said...

aint it the truth