Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Wednesday Funny

 

PONDERISMS:

(things to think about)

1 - I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2 - There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead.

3 - Life is sexually transmitted.

4 - Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5 - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7 - Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8 - Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11 - How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12 - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?Hmmm, how about eggs?

13 - If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14 - If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

15 -Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16 - Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

17 - Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

5 comments:

where's weaver said...

Boy I have missed your Wednesday morning humor. Thanks for another good laugh and some truth also.

Jill Thomas said...

Thanks for the chuckles.

Tammy Fletcher said...

Hilarious! Hmmm...wonder why glue doesn't' stick? And I love the baby oil one. Made you think.

Happytrails said...

Yes, thanks for the chuckles that have so much truth to them!! Great ponderings!!!

Larry and Samantha Bandstra said...

Life's great questions!!! Thanks.