Wednesday Funny

 

PONDERISMS:

(things to think about)

1 - I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2 - There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead.

3 - Life is sexually transmitted.

4 - Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5 - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7 - Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8 - Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11 - How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12 - Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?Hmmm, how about eggs?

13 - If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14 - If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

15 -Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

16 - Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

17 - Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?