Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Slow News Week

It was another slow news week here in the Midwest. Found this in my bag of jokes thought you might enjoy.


A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two
drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today..'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me.'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would
like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two
drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to
buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with
two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why
the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how
to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'


Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs

and make love,' and you answer,

'Pick one; I can't do both!'


Your friends compliment you

on your new alligator shoes

and you're barefoot..


A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy

and your pacemaker opens the garage door.


Going braless

pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.


You don't care where your spouse goes,

just as long as you don't have to go along.


You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police


'Getting a little action'

means you don't need to take any fibre today.


'Getting lucky' means you find your car

in the parking lot.


An 'all nighter' means not getting up

to use the bathroom.


You are not sure these are jokes

Remember to always smile, it makes people wonder what you have been up to!



Jim and Sandie said...

Great start to the day.

Sue B said...

thanks for the smile today..happy sunday!!!

Donna K said...

I found your post informative and factual. Where are the promised jokes??? (hahahaha)

Alan and Marilyn McMillan said...

Made me LOL:)

Merikay said...

always like your humor.

Paul and Marsha Weaver...OCT. 17, 2009 said...

I love your bag of jokes! I am that women at the bar only I am 60...LOL

Sherry and Charley Dilworth said...

Thank you for the belly laugh!! Needed that!

Hope you don't mind but I did share these with a bunch of my friends and family.

Dennis and Donna said...

What's so funny? Aren't those all true?

Sam&Donna Weibel said...

Life is fun, and you always reaffirm my belief in it. Be safe out there, Sam & Donna, Rigg's says to say hi to Annie for him.