Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

WEDNESDAY FUNNY

 

TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity....I enjoy every damn minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

 

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6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

 

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11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-in-the-hell- is-the-room- spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

 

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16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

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19. I went to college and I have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

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25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

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26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

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28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

 

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

 

7 comments:

Dennis and Donna said...

I think I could move in with Maxine and be perfectly happy.

Paul and Marsha Weaver...OCT. 17, 2009 said...

You sure you can't do this every day? Thanks for starting my day out with a BIG smile.

Donna K said...

GREAT POST!! Way to start the day - and the Maxine cartoons were just the icing on the cake.

Merikay said...

You make my Wednesday!

The Good Luck Duck said...

Same noises as our coffeemaker - ahahaha! We have a stovetop percolator, but that's no better!

Jeannie said...

Thanks for the many chuckles today!

Happytrails said...

What a way to start the day!! Thanks for the laughs!!
Heck, I think I might be related to Maxine!!! Have a great week!!