Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Wednesday Funny

 

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

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1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2.... We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.


4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.


5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.


6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.


7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"


10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.


11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was?Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.


13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it........these were the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.?
And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless."

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Living The Good Life

6 comments:

Paul and Marsha Weaver...OCT. 17, 2009 said...

Red Skeleton is one of my all time favorite comedians. I remember our entire family watching him and laughing so hard and long we would miss some of the dialogue. Thanks for the memories!

Sue and Doug said...

god bless indeed..I love Red Skeleton..he was a classic!! and a class act too!

Debbie, Duane, Bo and Laska said...

Those are so funny!!! I know I've heard them all before, but thanks for the reminder.

Phyllis said...

Ah, the days of good all-around TV comedians. Red Skelton, George Goble, Steve Allen, Milton Berle, George and Gracie, Jack Benney,,,,,

Chuck and Anneke's RV travels said...

He was a great guy, I watched him every Tuesday night when I was a kid:)

Dennis and Donna said...

I loved Red Skelton when he played the tramp...He was soooo sad and yet very funny...Also loved Milton Berle, Cid Ceaser and Imogene Coca...and good 'ol Soupy Sales!