Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Wednesday Funny

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The top 31 things that you will never hear a Southern boy say:


31. When I retire, I'm movin' North.

30. Oh I just couldn't. She's only sixteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. That car is too old and unsafe to drive.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a rat's ass who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Becky Mae.....darlin'

AND THE NUMBER ONE THANG THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!

 

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

10 comments:

where's weaver said...

We received this list from our nephew. We couldn't stop laughing and again...couldn't stop laughing. Thanks for the morning smile!

pidge said...

I have really missed your Wednesday funnies. This is a great one. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Kathy said...

Hilarious! My hillbilly husband will love this!

Sue and Doug said...

yet another great list!..where do you get this stuff!!..thanks for the smile this morning!!

Kevin and Ruth said...

I sure need a good laugh like that. Thanks!

Kevin and Ruth
www.travelwithkevinandruth.com

Dennis and Donna said...

YEEEEEEEE HAW!! DAD-GUM RIGHT ON!

Levonne said...

Reminders of my roots!

Happytrails said...

Thanks for the morning laugh!!

Land Yacht Ahoy, Mark and Lauree said...

I like number 28. I just did that today to stop a leak

Sherry and Charley Dilworth said...

Love your funnies always!! Hope you don't mind that I copy and share with my family and friends!!