Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Wednesday Funny


To all you Lexiphiles .... (those who love playing on words)


To write with a broken pencil is pointless

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.




where's weaver said...

Yea...once again you have started my Wednesday out with a laugh. I am now in a better mood than a few minutes ago. Thanks!

Sue and Doug said...

good ones today!! the last photo and so very true!!

Kevin and Ruth said...

Love the Wednesday Funny's! The saying at the end says it all, which is why we are doing what we are doing, thanks for the reminder

Kevin and Ruth

Judy and Emma said...

Guess I'm a lexiphile! :)

Dennis and Donna said...

Being a lexiphile can be very rough.

Paul and Helen's Adventures said...

Did you hear me groan???

Donna K said...

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob! I can get away with that because I have a pool and a son-in-law named Bob. Sorry, couldn't resist. Loved your funnies.

Shoeless Joe said...

Lots of groaners there. Enjoyed.