Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Wednesday Funny

 

 

** Adult Truths ***

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.


4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.


5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?


6. Was learning cursive really necessary?


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.


10. Bad decisions make good stories.


11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.


12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.


13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.


14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.


17. How come teenagers spend all day "digitally communicating", but when you ask them what's new, they say nothing!


18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?


20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!


21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..


22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.


24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients should be shot and then tarred and feathered.


25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit Laughing!


Heal the past, live the present, dream the future.
Enjoy life!!!

ONE DAY CLOSER TO OUR DREAM

10 comments:

Phyllis said...

Yea on #5! Impossible.

Sue and Doug said...

I like #20..good one!!..stay strong in the face of traffic!!

Happytrails said...

I'm with Sue...#20 is a good one!! Love them...thanks for sharing!! :-)

JoJo said...

Funny Post Thanks.
I always look for your Wed. posts
I look forward to all of your posts. DAH
thanks

Levonne said...

Too many struck home! LOL

Alan and Marilyn McMillan said...

I liked them all!

FULL-TIMERS...OCT. 17, 2009 said...

Oh how I love #5! TRUE, TRUE, TRUE!
#17 was our daughters favorite answer to everything!
Thanks for the great laugh and memories.

Dennis and Donna said...

#22 is totally me...Dementia Donna.

Kevin and Ruth said...

definitely some good ones in there!

Kevin and Ruth
www.travelwithkevinandruth.com

Miss Lazee said...

Those are questions and comments I ponder everyday! Thank You!